3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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