you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
