is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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