Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Randomize
