remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
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