____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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