I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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