this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
