I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
i used baking grease as lip gloss
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
