This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
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