Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
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drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
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I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
he just fucked me for my cheese.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
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