She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
