Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
