wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
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This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
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Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
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