they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
