then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
So. Much. Porn.
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