I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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