My sheets look like a crime scene.
Can Purell be used as lube?
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
