He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Randomize
