You don't have asthma, your pregnant
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
