there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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