BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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