You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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