I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Randomize
