you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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