i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
