I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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