The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
We are two peas in an std pod
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
