I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
