she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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