I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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