Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
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that's what penises do
they tell lies.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
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But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I have already put on my inside pants.