i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
i think im in europe. pls send help