My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.