Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
I dont know to explain this.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week