I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
