My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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