he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
