I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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