Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
