It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
