At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
