I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
