A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
