I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
