Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
