dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
So much rum. So many feels.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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