I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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