I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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