i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
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