Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
