Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
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