She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
