Are we in a gay sports bar?
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
