I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
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He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
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Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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