How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
