if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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