i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
