so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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