Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
