did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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